Outback Jack - Episode 6

As this week's episode begins, Jack and the ladies--Maria, Natalie and Meri-De, just in case you forgot who's left--are back at camp, and have just received a surprise visit from an old mate. That's right, ice queen Marissa has boomeranged back into the game. With the exception of Meri-De (who never knew Marissa before she was booted), the girls are floored by her return. "Did you guys miss me?" Marissa asks, receiving nothing but silence from the contestants. (video)

Right away, Marissa is bringing her best game. She's being rude to the other girls, asking snippy questions and turning her back on them when they answer. She's showing them all that she's going to be their worst nightmare, as if they need a reminder. Jack, on the other hand, is just happy to see her. "I don't think it will take her long to win my heart back," he admits. "But at the same time, I'm not trying to show too much emotion in front of the girls."

Marissa notices that Natalie is wearing Jack's necklace, but can't get the story out of her. For the first time since coming back, Marissa is the one who feels uncomfortable. But she's confident that she can win Jack's affection now that she's back in the game. Within a few hours, she's already stealing illicit kisses away from the rest of the group.

Soon, it's time to head to the next camp. Although past trips have involved riding camels and driving bullrushers, Jack chooses a hike for this one, thinking it may defuse some of the tension that's building. Of course, no hike is uneventful in the Outback. The group drops in on one of Jack's old friends...crocodile farmer John. When John opens up a pen of baby crocs, the girls freak out. Although babies, the crocs are still the size of a dog, and definitely have some sharp teeth. But it isn't the teeth the girls have to worry about. John needs help sorting the male crocs from the females, which means the girls will have to 'sex' the reptiles.

John demonstrates how to wrangle the crocs. Maria and Meri-De show some courage, climbing into the croc pit and snatching up their prey. Meri-De makes it look easy, but Maria gets snapped at before getting hers under control. Once both girls have their own crocs, John explains the 'sexing' process. Apparently, crocs are like birds, which means all of their "bits and pieces" (John's words, not ours) are on the inside. So the sexing process involves sticking fingers inside the crocs and feeling around for the sex organs. (If it sounds strange, you should've seen it.) We're feeling nauseous just writing about it. (video)

Maria and Meri-De follow through with their end of the bargain, sticking their digits where no human fingers were meant to go. "Most guys would probably buy me a dinner first or take me out before playing with their willies," Meri-De laughs. (Come on, we couldn't make stuff like this up.) When it's Marissa's turn to 'sex' her croc, she doesn't find anything of note. "It's a girl, baby!" she states confidently. Sadly, she's mistaken. Jack easily contradicts her upon his own examination. "I'm really surprised that Marissa couldn't find that willie when she needed to," Maria opines, "because she should be an expert." Maria doesn't make the same mistake, informing all (correctly) that her crocodile is male.

Despite the strangeness of the situation, the sexing goes surprisingly smooth...that is, until it's Natalie's turn to volunteer a finger in the sake of reptile reproduction. See, her nails are too long to be safe for the crocs. John tells her the nail will need to be clipped. "These nails don't cut!" she cries. "Oh, they do cut," Jack replies. Soon, Natalie is making the ultimate sacrifice for science. "It's my French tip," she whines, before Jack hacks away with a pair of scissors. Even with a ragged nail, Natalie is petrified of the croc, and the sexing process. But she performs like a pro. "I had so much croc funk in my fingernails," she states, supressing the urge to vomit.

The rest of the evening is slightly less exciting. (What could be MORE exciting than croc sexing?) The girls make it to their next camp, and after washing up (hopefully spending extra time on their hands), the group dives into some food from the barbie. Hot dogs, corn on the cob, and steaks--really a very American meal. The ladies are delighted by the food, as it's a rare opportunity to spend time with something familiar. Marissa, however, thinks the girls are too boring, and tries to spice up the dinner...with a food fight. How very sixth grade of her.

Jack doesn't seem to be amused by Marissa's food flinging, but he stifles his frustration and goes on with the meal. Marissa then lowers the bar in an effort to get some attention, putting her grubby feet on the table while everyone's eating. This time, it's Meri-De that can't stomach the juvenile antics, and tells her so. "Hey, this is the Outback," Marissa states. "This is not the dinner table." When the girls bristle at the foot offense, Marissa turns her abuse on them directly. "Are you getting pissed?" she asks Maria. "Go away, be gone." Even Jack is reaching her limit by this time. "I really like Marissa," he confesses to the camera, "but she is seriously testing my patience." By the time the evening is over, Marissa has cemented her status as the villain in the other contestants' eyes.

The next morning, the girls wake to find they have more to worry about than just Marissa's attitude. Jack has apparently "gone ahead," leaving the girls to fend for themselves. Confusion and fear sets in, but is quickly dispelled (at least the confusion part) by a visit from JD. Natalie sums it up best: "I think this is the first time I was ever happy to see JD." It appears that Jack's early exodus is actually the beginning of the next challenge. The girls will pair up and race to find their handsome hunk, following Outback-styled clues to his hideaway. Whichever team gets to him first wins an amazing date. The girls randomly pair up (Maria and Natalie, Marissa and Meri-De), and head off on separate paths. (video)

For once, Marissa's happy to spend time with one of the other contestants. "I'm so happy Meri-De, 'Miss Muscles,' is on my team. We are so going to find Jack first," she squeals. As the contest begins, both teams sprint off to find their quarry. Marissa gets awful bossy with her partner, despite the fact that Meri-De seemed to be better at reading and following the clues. The girls' combined athleticism, however, puts them in an early lead.

Maria and Natalie, on the other hand, have a tough time from the beginning. As Natalie lags behind ("Wait, my adrenaline hasn't kicked in yet!" she whines), Maria considers ditching her. She doesn't, of course. Maria carries the weight of the entire team, dragging a confused and very unhappy Natalie behind her, but they fall further and further behind. Things look hopeless...until Marissa's bossy leadership gets her and Meri-De lost. The pair wanders aimlessly through the Outback while Maria and Natalie catch up. Soon, however, Meri-De takes over the navigational chores, and it's a dead heat between the two teams to get to Jack's hideaway: the Swinging Arm Bar. (video)

Marissa and Meri-De are delighted to find that they're the first two to cross the finish line and find Jack having a pint with his chums. When Maria and Natalie arrive, they're told that they'll be staying in the pub while the other two girls change clothes and hop on a helicoptor for dinner. (Apparently, the consolation prize for the challenge is a drink with some Outback roughnecks.) Marissa and Meri-De share Jack for the duration of the helicopter ride, and also take in some amazing views of the Outback.

When the helicoptor lands, however, the girls are given some bad news. The dinner table is only set for two--one of the girls will be returning to play darts with the crowd at the pub. Hey, JD only promised the winners "a date," not dinner. With the helicoptor waiting, both girls are confident that they'll be chosen. "I think Jack will pick me," Meri-De shares, "because I can definitely see things going to the next level." Marissa is her usual, cocky self: "Jack has to pick between Meri-De and me? Please." Apparently, her confidence is well-placed. Jack decides he needs to catch back up with the previously absent Marissa. He sends Meri-De back to join the other two girls. (video)

Besides the previous immaturity shown by Marissa, she opens up a little when Jack asks her what she sees in him. The two quickly reestablish their connection, sharing a nice meal and a wonderful first date together. Back at the pub, Maria and Natalie are sharing as well, drinking wine together when Meri-De comes in. They're shocked that Jack and Marissa are alone together. Shocked, and pissed. "If he ends up with fricking Marissa," Maria scowls, "I'm going to come back and kick his ass."

Soon, Jack and Meri-De return to camp to find that the others are still at the pub. They take advantage of the quiet time, rolling on a blanket and smooching passionately. Their passion is interrupted by the other three contestants, returning via a roughneck's truck. The girls are a little bubbly when they return, but they notice that Jack looks uncomfortable. Maria and Natalie theorize that he must have had a bad date with Marissa. But Meri-De hits the nail on the head: "Maybe we interrupted something," she suggests.

The next morning, JD arrives as Jack introduces the girls one of the gigantic spiders to be found in the Outback. The girls may soon be wishing they could wrap JD up in a web, as he comes bringing more bad news. It's time for an elimination. Each girl gets a few minutes to plead their cases to Jack, then it's time for him to choose. During their conversations with Jack, each girl opens up in her own way. Natalie expresses that she and Jack have so much more to learn about each other. Maria (with her voice dropping to a sexy whisper) applauds Jack on how safe he makes her feel. Meri-De tells Jack how she respects what he has to offer a prospective mate. And Marissa reminds Jack of how they connected on their date the night before.

There's no way to make the elimination as dramatic online as it is to watch on television, so we'll just cut to the chase. The girls all feel the pressure and worry about being sent home, but the original girls needn't have worried. Jack eliminates the strong and sexy Meri-De. Meri-De surprised herself with her own emotional reaction at being cut, but if you've watched her at all since she joined the show, you know she'll be fine. Beautiful, athletic, independent...and now a bonafide reality TV star. As if she didn't have enough male attention before the show. (video)

Maria, Natalie, Marissa, and, of course, our hero Jack climb onto their horses to head to the next camp. The numbers are getting smaller, but the emotions and the challenges just keep getting harder. What danger will the girls have to face in the next episode? Two words: JACK'S MOM. Oh yeah, they'll be shaking in their designer boots, baby!